Rubbish Rules OK!!

So many beautiful towns and cities adorn our country, yet we appear determined to ruin our surroundings through our inability to clear up behind us. These pictures were all taken in Edinburgh, but this wonderful city is by no means alone in battling the thoughtless behaviour of so many. Rubbish - everywhere we look despite our best efforts to rid our streets of this blight on our landscape. So why do we so carelessly dump litter anywhere but in a bin? Maybe a rather tongue-in-cheek look at this problem is needed.

Tinus Intoxicus (beer cans): often abandoned by their owners along the roadside, in parks and graveyards, and on the beach under cover of darkness, they congregate close to - but very rarely in - litter bins. Appearing in various sizes, they bear distinct lettering around their bodies and emit an intoxicating aroma. There are several different species within the tinus intoxicus family, each carrying its own unique logo. Packitus Crispae (crisp packets): coming in a variety of bright colours, these environmentally unfriendly creatures are found lurking in the undergrowth, clinging to the sides of fences or scurrying up and down streets and alleyways. An opening at one end allows them easy flight when inflated by the wind, and they leave recogniseable scent trails depending on their family grouping. This can include cheese and onion, chicken, beef, and sweet chilli. Wheelcover Roundae (rubber tyres): these can range in size from bicycle to car, lorry and tractor and can be easily identified by large holes in their centres. Their natural habitat is more often or not areas of wasteland, although they can pop up unannounced in forest clearings, along the shore, and in other places of outstanding natural beauty. Although easily captured, they are not so easy to destroy, hence their increasing proliferation in both town

and countryside. 

Bottlum Plasticarum (plastic bottles): another species in a spectacular range of colours, including white, green, orange and garish red, the bottlum plasticarum has a very short gestation period and can produce hundreds of offspring in one year. Often squashed flat in a forlorn attempt to disguise their whereabouts, they are a widespread menace and can be found almost anywhere, particularly during spells of hot weather. Many bear labels denoting their place of origin. Protectus Erectus (traffic cones): traffic cones can be found in an upright position around construction sites, alongside and in the middle of roads,

and lining car parks. Difficult to camoflage due to their luminous bodies and pointed heads, they are kept under the watchful eye of the police. However, any opportunity to escape is always taken advantage of, fleeing to rivers, fields, and trees whenever possible. The more daring climb statues, pillar boxes and bus stops. They love to come out after dark, proving a great attraction to the crazy, the mischievous, and the intoxicated. Baggus Plasticarum (plastic bags): most commonly found in white, special breeding programmes have now produced species in blue, green, orange, brown and yellow. Many are highly patterned, bold lettering and brazen images distinguishing one family from another. Favourite haunts include trees, bushes, barbed wire fences and overhead wires, often taking flight in bad weather and migrating to pastures new.

This may all appear, at first sight, very light-hearted and amusing. But it serves to highlight one of the most pressing problems we face as a civilised society. It is not just an eyesore, an embarrassment to those of us who do clean up behind us, recycle responsibly and care deeply about our community. It damages our environment, blocks our rivers and pathways, poses a threat to an already fragile marine environment, and destroys our wildlife. Yes, seagulls, pigeons and other scavengers can create their own problems, ripping apart rubbish bags, pouncing on discarded takeaways, and scattering waste along our roads and pavements. But they are not the biggest problem, they are not the biggest threat to our planet - we are. So come on, lets all do our bit for our towns and cities, let us have more pride in our surroundings, use the facilities so readily available and put rubbish where it belongs!!! Edinburgh is a truly wonderful city, and I would encourage anyone reading this to come and see for themselves. So let us do our very best to keep it this way.