Guess what I found .........

Seldom do I find myself in the vicinity of Edinburgh's wonderful Botanic Gardens without spending a few hours wandering its paths, admiring the splendour that is Mother Nature at her very best. But today, some mysterious force was beckoning to me, the promise of something special guiding my footsteps through the gates and onwards across the manicured lawns. Autumn had just begun to touch the leaves, shades of gold and brown gently encroaching onto a world of green. Flowers reflected the slowly changing seasons, grasping the watery sunshine that belies the onset of cooler weather, colourful blooms heralding the arrival of September and the gradual demise of summer.
And then I saw them, lurking in the undergrowth, unexpected, unannounced, a blot on the beauty of the Botanics - a cluster of hosepipus rubberium hiding beneath the mighty pines. What an intrusion into one of my favourite places, what impertinence to dare think they belong amongst such horticultural perfection, such elegance ......
Hosepipus rubberium, an unsightly yellow in colour, thin, coiled, as welcome in these gardens as the serpent in the Garden of Eden and bearing more than a passing resemblance to the same. I had to photograph these interlopers, these brazen invaders into the peace and tranquility of this natural paradise. And imagine my horror at encountering another of these scars on the landscape, these pimples on a perfect skin, snaking its way towards the greenhouses, slithering up the stonework, sucking the moisture from the very earth which gives sustenance to so many plants of real beauty. Jealousy? Probably. Hideous hosepipus rubberium, spitting out water like venom from the jaws of a snake, enticing true trees and flowers into a false sense of security. "Let me water you, let me help you grow and flourish" they smirk .... and then they pounce, winding their sinewy bodies around delicate stems and tender shoots. Oh yes, don't let them fool you. They may look innocent, harmless, curled motionless on the grass. But they are not!!
You will rarely see them breeding in the open, preferring the
sanctity of the garden centre. But breed they do, once the
problem of discovering which end is which has been overcome. Maybe the time has come for a cull of the hosepipus rubberium. Slaughter them? No, not even the hosepipus rubberium deserves a fate this cruel and calculated. I advocate blocking both ends with straw and superglue while they are sleeping. Now try and copulate!!
Mad? Not me. I have encountered the hosepipus rubberium in the wild and lived to tell the tale. Keep your eyes peeled, your wits about you ....... And they don't just come in yellow, oh no. They are evolving, becoming crafty, developing camouflage. Yes indeed. Some of them are green!! How sneaky is that.